Wedding Fear

For some sadomasochistic reasons I am going to share with you some of my diary entries. I thought we could start with this entry from a couple of weeks ago, this entry makes me so incredibly happy.

6-2-15 Tuesday

In a couple of weeks I’m going to a masquerade ball, I’ve been told to wear a ball gown….I lack a garment of such description, I also lack a fairy Godmother to help me with this predicament. So last night I opened my wardrobe hopefully, perhaps a dress of such description will miraculously appear! No such luck. Instead I pulled out my floor length, sheer black skirt and paired it with a black lace top and some peep toe heels.

I stumbled my way downstairs to see what Jonathan (my fiancé) thought of my outfit, he said I looked lovely and I can say I honestly felt graceful, which believe me is very unfamiliar territory to myself.

After a few moments admiring my skirt in the mirror, watching how it floated through the air when I twirled, I confided in Jonathan about a fear I cannot shake.  “I can’t wait till we get married but I’m absolutely terrified about our first dance.” He laughed and asked, “Really? Out of everything that could happen on our wedding day, is that the thing that’s worrying you?”

I don’t like dancing…..that’s a lie. I love, love, love to dance but only behind closed doors, in front of the mirror in the bathroom, around the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand when nobodies home. The thought of eighty or so of our closet friends and family baring witness to me awkwardly being dragged around the dance floor is an image that’s been keeping me up at night. To make matters worse I’ve recently discovered, thanks to the free bar at a friends wedding that, when slightly tipsy, Jonathan turns into this incredible dancer with the hips of a latin God. His nimble movements are sure to emphasise my lack of rhythm.

Cue Mama Cass – “Dream a Little Dream”. There we were, me in my finest outfit, Jonathan in his pyjamas, dancing (or perhaps better described as swaying) around our tiny dining room. It felt incredible to hold each other so closely, listen to the music and feel my skirt flow around my feet. When I closed my eyes I could clearly see us floating around the grand hall (did I mention we’re getting married in a castle?) on our wedding day.

I’m certain that I’ll be terrified as I walk on to the dance floor, all eyes on us but if I can just get into Jonathans arms I’ll be the happiest girl alive.

10422229_10153139882666913_4408399886103052745_nMyself and Heather at said Masquerade ball. (That’s me in the red mask…slightly flamboyant spiderman vibe to it.)